I have updated my wildspeak website with about 60 new animal totem files. Everything from maned wolf, to pipistrelle, to velvet worm, to oriental small-clawed otter (and a few mainstreamers like jaguar too). These are keywords only, or keywords and general descriptions; but still, progress!

This brings the total number of animals represented on my website - which is totally free, and costs nothing more than bandwidth - to about 150. Sheesh.

Yet another thing I can gleefully cross off my to-do list. Man, I am so fucking sick of HTML right now. Lol.

The other day, I was writing a comment in response to someone's post on Livejournal; I can't remember who off the top of my head. Essentially - to paraphrase - they constantly had totems in their life that pushed and challenged them, and didn't always have the energy to be challenged. Sometimes it was just comfort, or reassurance they needed. I have seen this sentiment expressed before, in many places, so I asked them if they had ever thought of just searching for totems or spirits who would simply offer comfort, and reassurance. They hadn't, and so I think they began their search.

Spirit helpers and totem animals can help with a lot of different things. They can be the energies that take you apart during an initiation, they can be the ones to tell you to 'get your act together!' and the ones to give you a metaphysical kick up the backside to get you back on track, they can be the ones to offer advice in a difficult situation, or offer silence to remind you that you really can figure it out on your own; honest. They can be the creatures we are terrified of, or the ones we adore and admire, and they can be animal energies we didn't know we could appreciate until they came into our lives.

But they can also be the energies that simply love us for who we are, and soothe us when things are hard. Who offer comfort without us 'working' for it. Who take us in when we are broken and overhwelmed and give succour in exchange.

Heron, actually, is the animal energy that offers this to me. It's quite strange, really, because although I have always loved herons, I have mostly seen them as bold, powerful, graceful animals. Not ones I would immediately associated with softness and love. But then - as some of you probably know - animal totems never just fit into a box of select keywords. I mean sometimes they do, but very often they don't.

The heron that comes to me is large and grey/white, essentially a super-sized white-faced heron (Egretta novaehollandiae), he very rarely says anything, only comes into my life and lays his wings upon me when I think I cannot go on; when I think I cannot keep loving and caring for myself; when I just need some help. He doesn't ask for anything in return, though he has my love and gratitude always, and he has never pushed me away.

That said, I do not work with him as much as I could, because accepting comfort, and reassurance, and unconditional love is - of itself - very challenging for me, and for many of us. It's why so many of us don't even think about searching out or asking if there are any energies in our lives that would offer this to us. And no wonder, when so many of us struggle to offer comfort and succour to ourselves when we most need it. We are so often pushing ourselves past the next frontier, throwing ourselves into the next challenge, worrying we won't be good enough, or simply forgetting that accepting love, peace and comfort (from ourselves, as well as from spirits) is a form of valid spiritual nourishment; just as giving others love and comfort is as well.

For those of you who work with spirits of any kind, are there any who simply offer you comfort, love and reassurance? Did they come to you at a tough time in your life? Or did you have to search them out? If you have no spirits of energies in your life that could offer this, why do you think this is the case? Do you think you would benefit from knowing there was someone other than human who you could approach for succour?

I was describing the story of the emugirls, as I had learnt them, to a fellow artist and user on DeviantArt, and it occurred to me that it wouldn't hurt to share them here too.

I first met a solo emugirl by a stand of sheoaks or casuarina trees. She was hiding in one of the lower branches, and materialised wild and shaggy. Her eyes were bright, large and lucid. Her mane of hair continued down her back and flared out at her hips, like that of the actual emu. And like the emu, her feathers were doubled onto one shaft.

She didn't say anything, but smiled with her impossibly wide mouth. The smile widened and I saw she had no teeth. I smiled back, and she nodded, and I nodded, and we went out separate ways. I felt warmed. I had never read about emugirls anywhere and to this day I don't know if they exist, and I don't claim that they are real to anyone but me. I often wonder what would happen if someone else tried to contact them in the otherworlds.

Recently, in the semi-rural suburb I find myself living in now, I travelled in a journey-state across the lands and came to a plain of kanya, balga, lechenaultia and grey sands. There, I saw 9/10 emugirls, slight and frail, but shaggy and wild all the same, come together in a circle under the stars, and begin singing to the stars. It was the strangest song I had ever heard, filled with the bass 'OOM' sounds that emus make, but also high-pitched girl's voices in unison and harmony. They didn't sing any song I knew, but the melody was simple and soaring. I wanted to know what they were doing, but out of respect I left them alone and cherished that I had witnessed this event.

I don't know if there are emuboys, I don't know if there are emuwomen and men. I don't know much at all. I only know that when I communed with the land-wights of Koondoola and they suggested I honour them through my gift of artwork, emugirl was the second spirit who immediately came to mind.

I hope to meet her, and others, again some day.

In other weird news:

Red kangaroo totem likes The Presets.

So no TV in the background of this one, just grindy, thumpy music.

Bizarre.

I'm being a bit more experimental with my own 'as totems' pictures. Yay. I missed this.

Drawing red kangaroo has made me realise how much I love red kangaroo totem energy. Ho boy I LOVE it.

I've actually already written a file about red kangaroo here:

http://www.wildspeak.com/vilturj/totems/wredkangaroo.html

I've also drawn red kangaroo as totem twice before. The picture on the website is my very first, on cartridge paper, in fineliners and coloured pencils. One of my favourite pictures that I've ever done. It sat on my wall for years.

I don't talk much about my connection to macropods in the spirit world and this world, and I've mentioned Western brush wallaby more than red kangaroo... but their influence in my life is just... I can't describe it.

There are some animals out there which just have a presence that take your breath away when you really start communing with them in the otherworlds / this world.

And for me, red kangaroo and macropods in general (except maybe the smaller hare wallabies) have always exuded this to me.

Are there any animal totems that - for you - leave you feeling kind of breathless or hit hard when you see them? Animals that despite how they act around you, how gentle they seem, something about their energy just packs a whole lot of oooomph?